Sometimes.

                                            

                      


                                                                    Sometimes...

Sometimes I wish I was born earlier ,perhaps the 80s . I feel misplaced in this generation . Maybe if that were so; I'd have a different point of view on life because I assume life would be different. Sometimes I wish I could die to see where I'd go. Does Heaven or Hell really exist? Would God excuse my sins because he understands that through it all , I never meant malice with my actions? I'm just a human. Sometimes I wonder what if I never got into a relationship,giving love another shot after being in toxic situation/(ships) with those women for which as a man I realize I brung those hardships on myself . Curiosity killed the cat, I never heeded warnings and refuse to blame my foolishness on being young. As a long-time pessimist I always expect bad but hope for good...even in what appears to be a bad or "toxic "individual .Sometimes I wonder what if I graduated high school the first time and never moved to Philly from Maryland. Would the seemingly lack of resources rob me of my ambition because I see no hope in one day flying away to live my dreams. Would I become a statistic in the system like alot of my friends and classmates, living life boxed in a corner eventually standing on the corner somewhere in my small Riverside neighborhood probably without a proper place to lay my head while my train of thought revolves around a meal that I'll probably get from Mitchell's ,the corner store around the way because I'm starving. Nah maybe I still wouldn't be into crime but should be a crime for, in a way ; purposely being stagnant because I just can't see past Oak Street. Sometimes I wonder what if I didn't leave Georgia in October and come back home to Philly. Would I be happier if I allowed myself to accept the differences in lifestyles...nah I woulda still brought my ass back home regardless . Sometimes I ponder my own intelligence and wonder am I really as smart as people say I am . Maybe I read books because I actually feel dumb and sincerely feel the only way I'll get ahead in life is to bulk up my brain with classic literature such as 48 Laws, Mastery, books on how to make "Fuck You Money". Well atleast I actually believe that knowledge is power.Sometimes I wonder would life truly be more dramatic if me and my girl actually had the kids,disregarding our self-imposed poverty (I say self-imposed to emphasize accountability), me genuinely not being ready and her not caring to be pregnant by me that early in our relationship . It's the most awkward shit in the world to have someone ask you, "When are you having kids?". I sometimes cringe and at times feel undeserving of life myself. Sometimes I feel foolish for forgiving her for infidelity in the past. I feel like a punk, it still stings like it just happened. I sometimes find myself having flashbacks and immediately I'm angry outta nowhere...like its a weird feeling i PHYSICALLY feel outta nowhere when my mind wanders. I'm still in love with her. Our relationship is rocky..not even because of this but because of the aftermath in the whole Georgia fiasco...never would think me trying to make a better life for us would turn everything upside down for the worst... I'm still flabbergasted by it. Sometimes I wonder do I really believe in myself with these claims of being the best in my craft or does it just sound good when I scream it on wax ? Truthfully the only reason I'm probably questioning this is pure frustration , I want people to somehow realize Im the best too...alot of us artists are like that. I don't think we can help it. Who knows maybe this is just growing pains of the aspiring artist, feeling like you're not moving fast enough in a way feeling entitled because you're talented.Perhaps the remedy is to eat more humble pie.

@hardheaded_leo
(Twitter, & IG)
www.soundcloud.com/dnrinmydna

Too Poor For Pro Tools

"Too Poor For Pro Tools Vlog": is a video/audio blog giving commentary on tracks recorded by me. Traditionally just about everybody uses to Pro Tools or Logic to record,...I'm doin it for the low lives with cracked DAWs, the illegitimate bedroom producer that still has FL Studio 11 and so on and so on.. The series ends when I can finally afford Pro Tools lol Twitter , Instagram : @hardheaded_leo Soundcloud: www.soundcloud.com/dnrinmydna Facebook: www.facebook.com/hardheadedleo

Procrastination Doesn't Kill...Let Me Explain

As much as I would love to be the overbearingly (don't know if that's a word) consistent rapper dropping 20 songs a day cuz that's how you "get on"...that's just not me. I like creating bodies of work, I like to let things inspire me and create the piece as I go. Until I feel it's complete. I'm more than aware of the phrase " hard work beats talent , if talent don't work hard . I agree , I feel like that creates a balance within the 2 worlds . A lot of talented folks such as myself whether conscious or subconsciously choose not to work as hard because we have the "if you build it, they will come " mentality . Whether just being full of ourselves in general, having those around inflate our egos.. basically anything that enforces counter-productivity and allows us comfort to our egos with self sabotaging thoughts of " I'm the greatest , it's just a matter of time". The reality is that time may never come fore if you hold your breath you gon fuck around and die. BUT, you know its always a "but" ; what about obstacles that pose a threat to creativity, stalling your process . What if it took you gettin shot at , taking a loss and having to eat oodles and noodles for 2 months with hot sauce and bathing with minimal hot water , perhaps depression taking you on a roller coaster ride forcing you to get lost in your thoughts for an extreme duration of time , now you have these truths all packed together like canned tuna ,What lyrics are you jotting down? ,canvas you're painting?, piece you're writing?..or whatever you do as a creative individual. You're still trynna capture everyday life in regards to solutions to the problems ,you ain't got time to write about them now. At least at that point you now have grounds and basis for how you create the material that trumps whatever you would've composed had you not waited for life to inspire. Big ups to artists such as Russ or maybe a Gucci Mane, who in my opinion have not only have efficient work ethics but effective as well, though in abundance the material is quality too. I feel artist like myself create differently. I think this is the only time procrastination ever worked in my favor. Give you a little back story and breakdown ; I've scrapped various projects since 2013, I believe 4 in total including "Obnoxious (2013)", "Scarred For Life" (2014), "Mellow Dramatic" (2015, my favorite of the shelved LPs) and Good Ole Leonard (2016)Sometimes...you're just not ready yet. I was never a perfectionist per se, Hell "Scarred For Life" had an official cover and the whole 9 yards all of these pieces were unique in their own way tho . "Obnoxious" (2013) . ah yes 21 year old Pop. Pre-pothead, pre DNR, Pre-veggie gang member, pre everything. Probably the most stripped down version of myself. I literally didn't give a fuck around this time . I was pretty raw , 2 years removed from the F.O.S. series and still all about the rappity rap. I wouldn't call it reality rap, this was more like "TMI music", In my opinion . A buncha overly-excited cuts with no sharpness or edge in the delivery just hype as shit , just give it to em ! I'ma blame this one SOLEY on procrastination. I vividly recall the making of this project. I began looking for studios with good sonics and reasonable prices..I ended up at The Heat Factory. This was critical for me because this is when I called myself being professional by recording a project in a "real studio" and would be be my first session in a Philly studio.. Time was money, I think in the first session I did like 7 records. Like I said the records themselves were good content..just poorly executed. I do kinda miss the old production style on there, shit was hella unorthodox and fresh. I don't recall finishing this project as far as recording , But I know for sure none of the records even got mixed... As time passed I grew more and more displeased with my performances. This project like the others lived up to it's name with no pun intended...the shit was obnoxious . "Scarred For Life" (2014) nah fuck Obnoxious this shit was the real TMI music, better beats tho . In retrospect, I don't know what to make of this one . If I would've just kept it introspective and the theme dark I think I coulda had a decent record.. I kinda ruined it by trynna appeal to everybody... I coulda saved " Man On A Mission", "Catfish", "Kray Kray" and a few others for the soundcloud... I still had stuck by it tho, I felt I kinda had no choice but to stick by it, I spent over a stack recording it, I put my life on wax, was as creative as I thought I could be...This was coming out whether I thought it was wack or not .This one was the only project that got a cover.. I was actually excited for this to come out. After I finished the last record , I immediately paid for it to be mixed and mastered. Turned it in the day before my birthday. Fast Forward.. Engineer switched studio buildings,lost the files, Just like Obnoxious... As time passed, so did my liking to the music... I was doing alot of goofy shit that year too. Tangled up still trynna figure out love as a late bloomer,not sure of myself. Not even as an artist but as a person....Yea its other shit I shoulda been doing..like working on my craft. "Mellow Dramatic " (2015) Aw man I love this one.. The only old songs of mine I still bump come off of this one. Did this one in Heavy Music Studios recorded by Dunny,Shotty & Beef. Mixed & Mastered by Dunny. This was my favorite place in the whole world aside from layin up with my girl and Habachis lol. This project had the same format as the others (minimal filler, beats are wayyyyyy better, themes more mature and balanced etc)... Time was money, So of course most of the tape was written, sequenced and set up before I even step foot in the booth. This truly gave me an album vibe.. Dunny kept callin it "my album" . It felt like I was making one, This is when weed became a necessary element to my sessions. I wish I coulda lived in that bitch and slept on them couches . I remember Honest Phire came through and lended her vocals for "Rather Beat My Dick" and the skit for it. The graveyard mixing sessions , This made it all the way to the mastering stage before both me and Dunny both got conflicting schedules ,had some final tweaks and never got around to it and you already know how this story ends..Ever wondered why its so many "fuck a job" references in my music so much back in those days??? Cuz of shit like that.. 9-5 fuckin up my rap career lol This the only project I really wish saw the light of day, I think I coulda really got some people through some rough days with that project.. Man that was a fun time. Take me back in time to the 444 building . "Good Ole Leonard" (2016) ah the supposed "debut album" .Truthfully speaking this record never even had a chance. It started wack and never even ended cuz it never got that far. It was just too depressing for me. I was in a weird place that whole year. Wrapped up in fucking up money, still experiencing growing pains, still hating working for every dollar earned, no discipline to stay the course of anything, Honestly I don't even know what to make of 2016 period I just know it started off lovely and ended horribly which I take full blame for. It just wasn't my time yet...Just all over the place. Fast forward to 2018 We just coming out swingin. It took me a few tries and alot of growing but I think I'm ready this time. Let me drop before I turn 30 lol ! F.O.S. Volume 3 coming in February ! Peace and love to everybody checking out the new content . I do this for y'all . -Pop @hardheaded_leo : Twitter , IG www.facebook.com/hardheadedleo

My Life Depends On It.

I once heard the great Charlamagne The God say " Fuck Your Dreams if They're Not Your Dreams " . Can't get more direct than that. I recently did something I never do: I took the leap of faith. As some of you may know I've recently come back to Philly. I feel alive. I feel more focused than ever . I sought out to change my life by changing my attitude, redeveloping my state of mind. I made a pact to myself before I left Georgia that no matter what happens on this journey I must continue, I must fight. I must stick to my guns REGARDLESS of what or whom I may lose in the process. In the words of Wallo267. "Nobody Can Stop You, But You" . I got told that upon my arrival I would be destitute, sleeping outside or in a shelter because supposedly I wasn't wanted at home , which of course I already knew was a scare tactic to try to stop me. Didn't even work a lil bit. .. as crazy as it sounds,it didnt sound all that crazy to me .if all of this really was the case it was a small price to pay for peace of mind. I didnt fold. I stuck to my guns .I wanted out of Georgia THAT bad. I wasn't waiting til I got established to leave. I didnt care how supposedly "easy" . I had it. We tend to lose shit faster when it was easy to obtain. To me that meant more time spent in misery that I can't get back. My life wasn't going as planned in Philly or Georgia,.. which both was my fault. It kicked in my head that "If you couldn't make it in Philly, how you gon make it in Georgia " The problem was I never applied myself. Over thinking things to the point that I talked myself outta shit without even talking. Fuck That. I got on these job sites and treated looking for a job like a job .Booked my ticket ,braced myself, bout a week later I was home. I've been home 5 days and been on 4 interviews, a job that I'm on my way to now as i write this and another one that I'm almost certain I'm getting. I've recorded the bulk of my album already. Now , maybe this is no coincidence because I was going pretty hard with the job search... I figured I got like 2 weeks left here and if I went hard enough ,it would speed up the process of finding a gig once I got home... I never been the sharpest knife in the drawer but I always knew to set myself up before just jumping out the window . Bam. Had a phone interview like 2 days before I left and a face-to-face the day after I came home. This may sound kinda weird but in a way I feel like I'm somehow being rewarded for taking the leap of faith,sticking to my guns and Im now on the recieveing end of the energy I put out. Like I say, I vowed to change my attitude . To again quote Charlamagne: In Order To Change Your Life , You Must Change Your Lifestyle. Couldn't see myself doing something like this a while back. I haven't had this kinda luck in years. but then again maybe it's not luck. I told myself no matter what : keep it pushing, always think of how it could be worse when being faced with the temptation to complain . Every time I have doubts about my music I remember the fact that in the beginning nobody wanted to sign Jay-Z. It ain't that it's me, it just ain't my time... yet. Back to the point tho; You ever been taking a nap and just busted up outta your sleep and been like " Shit, I gotta do something What did I do today ?" "I'm slippin" . It just be random. Voices in my head like "Get your ass up" . Somewhere along the lines , I made it in my mind that it isn't just about me. I once heard from Inky Johnson that you'll impose your will and won't ever quit once you find a higher purpose for doing what you do when the "why" isn't just about you. I often feel like If I'm not living to prosper , I might as well be dead. What's the point ? It should be no reason or excuse to not live up to your full potential. Illness both mental and physical plague both sides of my family . I often envision the aftermath of me not chasing my dreams and taking care of my health. I don't wanna be one of these folks wishing they had more time. This awareness creates urgency. I feel like if I don't get a move on , the people that love and champion me won't get the chance to see me prosper and me playing around with my goals further enables whatever fears I imagine most, and speeds up the process of the fears becoming a reality. My life literally depends on me succeeding. it's Do or Die. . .

P.O.P. x "The City Is Mine...Kinda"

Serving As The Soundtrack to the post "I'm From Maryland,.. But Only Get Homesick For Philly". Tried to channel my inner "Philly Rap DVD " rapper on this one . Wrote this a few days before I made my recent return home. You can only imagine how hype I was when I finally laid this. I was focused. Super focused. I envisioned myself on The Come Up Show spittin for Cosmic Kev . I almost forgot that it's not even my beat I'm rhyming on. Couldn't think of nothing better to rhyme over other than "The City Is Mine" by Jay-Z, It just felt appropriate, the beat always gave me a "early in the morning in the inner city" vibe anyway, well the original song in general, plus it was 5 am while I was laying it so yea I think that vision accurately played out well. Be sure to check for new music coming soon as well be on the lookout for my debut album "What Is This Shit?". Peace and love to all the folks enjoying the content on the blog, I'm just trynna express myself.

I'm From Maryland.., But Only Get Homesick For Philly.

Image ripped from :www.greenphillyblog.com

I  remember my days growing up in the Eastern Shore of Maryland and actually couldn't fathom moving from there.The funny thing is I wasn't very thrilled when I found out I was moving to Philly. I was actually pretty upset.For the same reason I get homesick for Philly now,... it was all I ever knew. I grew up there. All my family and friends were there. I resented my stepmom for making us move for like the 3rd time in like 2 years and now Philly. But honestly; I seen it coming. I knew eventually it was going to happen. My Dad killed my whole day with that news. I was HOT !! but I played it cool. While I was packing up my room, my stepmom walked in and said something like this: "Poppy I know I say this alot ,but this is the last time we're moving". I told her with as little hostility in my voice as possible "No it's not '' (and I was right  because we moved to another house not too long after getting settled) but I really wanted to tell her to get outta my face.  I got used to living in Philly pretty quick though. I didn't know how to get around but was forced to learn once I got my first job here.I'm glad I had that challenge, I loved the scenery as I passed through North Philly on the el train. It was a beautiful ugly. So gritty.So alive. To the average person it was a shithole. To my country ass it was a live picture. From the endless chinese and "papi" stores (bodegas for NY folk and non locals) to the streets filled with vendors where I got fake Air Force Ones. (I didn't know any better at the time gimme a fuckin break) to the Muslim brothers selling the oils and just folks hustling in general. I'm feenin for Reading Terminal as we speak. I haven't been there in years and would probably kill for a gallon of that Amish made strawberry lemonade. I mean if  we're being honest I was always fascinated with Philly since before my first visit in July 2007. My oldest neices father was from Philly originally but had moved to Pocomoke where I was living at the time. West Philly, a few blocks from where I live now actually. He introduced me to Ram Squad,State Property ,Major Figgaz, the heeltoe..this was like 2001 when I knew jack shit diddily squat about anything.   It was so fascinating to my country ass. Still to this present day I'm still intrigued by the city. I been living here since 2010. I smoked my first blunt here. Lost my virginity here, Fell in love here. Had my first performance here . Came of age here. This has become my second home . I can't recall the last time I was actually homesick for Maryland. I may get the side eye for this post but I'm just living my truth. I don't miss living there. At all. I miss my friends I grew up with and some family members. I get nostalgia and quite a bit of inspiration when I visit but I don't miss needing a vehicle as a neccesity. I don't miss the weird vibes I used to get because I knew I was "different", even though I'm even more different to Philly people than people in Maryland, the difference is Philly people don't give a shit for the most part. I've never been made fun of in Philly . Nobody pays me any mind. Which is fine because I'm not very social these days... which of course we already know where I get that from . Another funny thing to know is I had no friends here outside of maybe social media ,until I went to Job Corps and associated  myself with others from my same city of residence, 2 of them turning out to be my cousins and I never knew it until all of us were home from Job Corps. Jason Preston and Brian Wallace.  They are the opposite of eachother and I'm the opposite of them... which for some reason is probably why this weird ass relationship works in the first place. This of course came with more characters whom I also grew to love to death like family ; Sheek,Tray aka Frankie Rizzo,Tyree aka Ree Raw, Paul aka P90 Smoove, Bar, Davey Dave,Donnovan, Lani, and everybody else that I can't name because I smoke too much weed and can't think but blame it on the mind not the heart.  Man oh man I remember all of us hotboxing in that Monte Carlo that B had and our quest for curry shrimp when we had the munchies. That 2 toned Buick that Tray had (that I thought he had on purpose as a pun on his skin LMAO) High as shit in Hibachis smh .Breakin down in Frankford and damn near ain't make it to B and Roger's video shoot for "Put In Work". The new years parties at J house.The performances when everybody would have their woman in attendance (which for me was extra special because I finally had one and she actually liked my music), the now laughable time Tray and B tried to teach me how to drive that shit is hilarious lookin back in retrospective ...unforgettable man smh Too many memories to name and I wish we got ALL that shit on camera . All bringing me back to my point; How I'm able to be born AND raised from age 0-17 in Maryland with my past being damn near a blurr that rarely gets acknowledgement;  its not even on purpose. Those were also critical times in my life that had much to do with the shaping of who I've become today , but the City of Brotherly Love that gave me tough love made me a man...."Philly,Philly...mmmmhmm Philly where I am from"...kinda sorta. Love is love and s/0 to everybody whether we on good terms or not.  Its all love .

To Be Or Not To Be A Fuck Up

                                                    "To Be or Not To Be A Fuck Up" 

 Image ripped from GuoGuiyan.com

You ever seen that movie with Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence called "Life" ?
You know ole boy that was on there named "Can't Get Right"??.  Yup,that's yours truly.  I'm the mild-mannered guy, who genuinely means well but just can't get it together. I'm not surprised though. It's been like that since I was a kid actually. I still can't snap my fingers,shave, tie a tie, shit I didn't learn how to tie my shoes until I was 7 years old so yeah I'm kind of a  "fuck up by default"  of some sort. One thing there is to realize (if you look at the brighter side of it), there is always room to correct my goofy behavior . However I often choose not to. Not even on purpose most of the time. I've never been much of a rebel , or at least not without a cause . For some odd reason I still feel I'll get ahead in life with this subconsciously rebellious behavior, I'll stand out from the rest. I'm not a robot. I'm Pop and I don't give a shit what you think.,so I ask myself; To Be Or Not To Be ,A Fuck Up?..

Matter of fact let's skip all the goofy things I did as a kid that I can't remember anyway because I smoke too much weed.Let's start in the present  at the very beginning where I'm currently embarking on a journey of potential self-destruction immediately upon my return to Philadelphia... according to my family.  See ,here's the thing : I never stick to my guns, I always allow myself to get talked into or out of something. I never do what makes me happy and when I do, I always feel bad about it..FUCK THAT. Here's the deal: My younger brother got an apartment. after we've been staying at our older brother's house for the majority of the time I've been in Georgia. We get along but we're TOO different. He refuses to understand that him and I are not the same. The only issue is I let him rock and be him..He and just about everybody else in the family has a problem with letting a motherfucker just be themselves without judgement and excessive criticism, Which I urge them to refrain from not because it hurts my feelings but because it's counter-productive on their own part..I'm not gonna listen and they probably already know that but fuck it, let's argue anyway,right?   The lease was for a year. I refused to sign it. I had to do a mental refresh on the chain of events and all the depressing days I spent down here. ON TOP OF the fact I NEVER wanted to move down here.. I just didn't want to. I fed into false promises of financial freedom,lower rent a better place to raise my family.and a job supposedly waiting for me upon arrival but the catch was I had to leave immediately to obtain it .  Now this ain't the story where we blame everybody and throw a pity party for Pop..I'm just giving my honest point of view. Maybe I'm incorrect with the intentions of the parties involved but this is what's true to me so please pardon me If I come off nasty or like I'm trying to bash anybody because I don't rock like that. I'm humble.Fast forward. I moved to GA, No job, My girl lost the house , I had quit both jobs that I had, no money to provide for the family. to put it short I spent many days kicking myself in the ass because it didn't have to be that way. As soon as I got a job I was sending money to Philly to help her... even if it meant me having NOTHING. I had no problem with this.. everybody else said I was foolish. I didn't care. If they were to cut me off I would walk to work in the Georgia heat or to run my errands (a little cardio ain't never kill nobody). I would eat off my discount at work until payday and just let it get taken out of my check and just make sure I got some groceries next time I had cash. For the first time ever, especially as an adult I had an answer for everything in regards to how I would survive. I wasn't worried about shit. Not even making them mad enough to put me out, I'd sleep outside and fight off stray animals with sticks and bricks.   Every threat uttered, insult after insult about how I'm retarded, I must be on drugs, I'm in love with a whore who probably already moved on to fucking someone else.. all that heat and I still didn't fucking budge. . My mom called me and scolded me, told me to that since Tyra was more important than everybody else and I wanna be an idiot for somebody that's "using me" with kids that aren't mine  that they were sending me back to Philly . She doesn't even know she did me the biggest favor she could've ever done in my whole 25 years on this Earth. My brother said that if I return home I'll be in a shelter or sleeping outside because my Dad and step mom SUPPOSEDLY said they don't want me there (every time I call my Dad to confirm this he always says the opposite) ... I didn't fucking budge. Looked at him with a straight face and said "Okay" . Now I'm not saying my Dad would let me go out like that but just in case he felt the same way everybody else did.. I'm prepared for it. I'll sleep outside. I'll maximize every second of the day I'm awake so if I'm homeless please believe me...it won't be forever. I'ma make a way even if it kills me. I won't cry, I won't be a victim. As far as I was concerned I could live with whatever would come of this decision because of one factor: I finally stuck to my guns, I didn't fold. I'm not staying down here for no year , I was told since I was a co-applicant that If I left ,it wouldn't hurt nothing or there would be no consequences. "Just sign the lease, you can get yourself together then dip if you want".  I wasn't hearing it, the last time I listened I ended up telling y'all the story you're reading right now  . I'm out. I said I'm not staying and I meant that shit . Of course I got told "You got it easy here, why you fucking it up?" If it come easy it probably ain't gon last anyway.You can't put a price on peace of mind. Even with knowing I may not have my woman when I return due to everything she's had to endure.  Life's gonna be harder, I know with competition being how it is in the job market I'll probably be without a job for a while but I'll make some shit happen  I'm still pushing. Home is where the heart is. This storm is temporary. I might lose battles but I'ma win this fucking war.  In the words of Wallo267.... I WILL NEVER STOP!. You better not never stop !

Peace and love to all my readers. You're all appreciated. Stay positive. Stay prosperous. 
-Poppadoc