I once heard the great Charlamagne The God say " Fuck Your Dreams if They're Not Your Dreams " . Can't get more direct than that. I recently did something I never do: I took the leap of faith. As some of you may know I've recently come back to Philly. I feel alive. I feel more focused than ever . I sought out to change my life by changing my attitude, redeveloping my state of mind. I made a pact to myself before I left Georgia that no matter what happens on this journey I must continue, I must fight. I must stick to my guns REGARDLESS of what or whom I may lose in the process. In the words of Wallo267. "Nobody Can Stop You, But You" . I got told that upon my arrival I would be destitute, sleeping outside or in a shelter because supposedly I wasn't wanted at home , which of course I already knew was a scare tactic to try to stop me. Didn't even work a lil bit. .. as crazy as it sounds,it didnt sound all that crazy to me .if all of this really was the case it was a small price to pay for peace of mind. I didnt fold. I stuck to my guns .I wanted out of Georgia THAT bad. I wasn't waiting til I got established to leave. I didnt care how supposedly "easy" . I had it. We tend to lose shit faster when it was easy to obtain. To me that meant more time spent in misery that I can't get back. My life wasn't going as planned in Philly or Georgia,.. which both was my fault. It kicked in my head that "If you couldn't make it in Philly, how you gon make it in Georgia " The problem was I never applied myself. Over thinking things to the point that I talked myself outta shit without even talking. Fuck That. I got on these job sites and treated looking for a job like a job .Booked my ticket ,braced myself, bout a week later I was home. I've been home 5 days and been on 4 interviews, a job that I'm on my way to now as i write this and another one that I'm almost certain I'm getting. I've recorded the bulk of my album already. Now , maybe this is no coincidence because I was going pretty hard with the job search... I figured I got like 2 weeks left here and if I went hard enough ,it would speed up the process of finding a gig once I got home... I never been the sharpest knife in the drawer but I always knew to set myself up before just jumping out the window . Bam. Had a phone interview like 2 days before I left and a face-to-face the day after I came home. This may sound kinda weird but in a way I feel like I'm somehow being rewarded for taking the leap of faith,sticking to my guns and Im now on the recieveing end of the energy I put out. Like I say, I vowed to change my attitude . To again quote Charlamagne: In Order To Change Your Life , You Must Change Your Lifestyle. Couldn't see myself doing something like this a while back. I haven't had this kinda luck in years. but then again maybe it's not luck. I told myself no matter what : keep it pushing, always think of how it could be worse when being faced with the temptation to complain . Every time I have doubts about my music I remember the fact that in the beginning nobody wanted to sign Jay-Z. It ain't that it's me, it just ain't my time... yet. Back to the point tho; You ever been taking a nap and just busted up outta your sleep and been like " Shit, I gotta do something What did I do today ?" "I'm slippin" . It just be random. Voices in my head like "Get your ass up" . Somewhere along the lines , I made it in my mind that it isn't just about me. I once heard from Inky Johnson that you'll impose your will and won't ever quit once you find a higher purpose for doing what you do when the "why" isn't just about you. I often feel like If I'm not living to prosper , I might as well be dead. What's the point ? It should be no reason or excuse to not live up to your full potential. Illness both mental and physical plague both sides of my family . I often envision the aftermath of me not chasing my dreams and taking care of my health. I don't wanna be one of these folks wishing they had more time. This awareness creates urgency. I feel like if I don't get a move on , the people that love and champion me won't get the chance to see me prosper and me playing around with my goals further enables whatever fears I imagine most, and speeds up the process of the fears becoming a reality. My life literally depends on me succeeding. it's Do or Die. . .
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