To Be Or Not To Be A Fuck Up

                                                    "To Be or Not To Be A Fuck Up" 

 Image ripped from GuoGuiyan.com

You ever seen that movie with Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence called "Life" ?
You know ole boy that was on there named "Can't Get Right"??.  Yup,that's yours truly.  I'm the mild-mannered guy, who genuinely means well but just can't get it together. I'm not surprised though. It's been like that since I was a kid actually. I still can't snap my fingers,shave, tie a tie, shit I didn't learn how to tie my shoes until I was 7 years old so yeah I'm kind of a  "fuck up by default"  of some sort. One thing there is to realize (if you look at the brighter side of it), there is always room to correct my goofy behavior . However I often choose not to. Not even on purpose most of the time. I've never been much of a rebel , or at least not without a cause . For some odd reason I still feel I'll get ahead in life with this subconsciously rebellious behavior, I'll stand out from the rest. I'm not a robot. I'm Pop and I don't give a shit what you think.,so I ask myself; To Be Or Not To Be ,A Fuck Up?..

Matter of fact let's skip all the goofy things I did as a kid that I can't remember anyway because I smoke too much weed.Let's start in the present  at the very beginning where I'm currently embarking on a journey of potential self-destruction immediately upon my return to Philadelphia... according to my family.  See ,here's the thing : I never stick to my guns, I always allow myself to get talked into or out of something. I never do what makes me happy and when I do, I always feel bad about it..FUCK THAT. Here's the deal: My younger brother got an apartment. after we've been staying at our older brother's house for the majority of the time I've been in Georgia. We get along but we're TOO different. He refuses to understand that him and I are not the same. The only issue is I let him rock and be him..He and just about everybody else in the family has a problem with letting a motherfucker just be themselves without judgement and excessive criticism, Which I urge them to refrain from not because it hurts my feelings but because it's counter-productive on their own part..I'm not gonna listen and they probably already know that but fuck it, let's argue anyway,right?   The lease was for a year. I refused to sign it. I had to do a mental refresh on the chain of events and all the depressing days I spent down here. ON TOP OF the fact I NEVER wanted to move down here.. I just didn't want to. I fed into false promises of financial freedom,lower rent a better place to raise my family.and a job supposedly waiting for me upon arrival but the catch was I had to leave immediately to obtain it .  Now this ain't the story where we blame everybody and throw a pity party for Pop..I'm just giving my honest point of view. Maybe I'm incorrect with the intentions of the parties involved but this is what's true to me so please pardon me If I come off nasty or like I'm trying to bash anybody because I don't rock like that. I'm humble.Fast forward. I moved to GA, No job, My girl lost the house , I had quit both jobs that I had, no money to provide for the family. to put it short I spent many days kicking myself in the ass because it didn't have to be that way. As soon as I got a job I was sending money to Philly to help her... even if it meant me having NOTHING. I had no problem with this.. everybody else said I was foolish. I didn't care. If they were to cut me off I would walk to work in the Georgia heat or to run my errands (a little cardio ain't never kill nobody). I would eat off my discount at work until payday and just let it get taken out of my check and just make sure I got some groceries next time I had cash. For the first time ever, especially as an adult I had an answer for everything in regards to how I would survive. I wasn't worried about shit. Not even making them mad enough to put me out, I'd sleep outside and fight off stray animals with sticks and bricks.   Every threat uttered, insult after insult about how I'm retarded, I must be on drugs, I'm in love with a whore who probably already moved on to fucking someone else.. all that heat and I still didn't fucking budge. . My mom called me and scolded me, told me to that since Tyra was more important than everybody else and I wanna be an idiot for somebody that's "using me" with kids that aren't mine  that they were sending me back to Philly . She doesn't even know she did me the biggest favor she could've ever done in my whole 25 years on this Earth. My brother said that if I return home I'll be in a shelter or sleeping outside because my Dad and step mom SUPPOSEDLY said they don't want me there (every time I call my Dad to confirm this he always says the opposite) ... I didn't fucking budge. Looked at him with a straight face and said "Okay" . Now I'm not saying my Dad would let me go out like that but just in case he felt the same way everybody else did.. I'm prepared for it. I'll sleep outside. I'll maximize every second of the day I'm awake so if I'm homeless please believe me...it won't be forever. I'ma make a way even if it kills me. I won't cry, I won't be a victim. As far as I was concerned I could live with whatever would come of this decision because of one factor: I finally stuck to my guns, I didn't fold. I'm not staying down here for no year , I was told since I was a co-applicant that If I left ,it wouldn't hurt nothing or there would be no consequences. "Just sign the lease, you can get yourself together then dip if you want".  I wasn't hearing it, the last time I listened I ended up telling y'all the story you're reading right now  . I'm out. I said I'm not staying and I meant that shit . Of course I got told "You got it easy here, why you fucking it up?" If it come easy it probably ain't gon last anyway.You can't put a price on peace of mind. Even with knowing I may not have my woman when I return due to everything she's had to endure.  Life's gonna be harder, I know with competition being how it is in the job market I'll probably be without a job for a while but I'll make some shit happen  I'm still pushing. Home is where the heart is. This storm is temporary. I might lose battles but I'ma win this fucking war.  In the words of Wallo267.... I WILL NEVER STOP!. You better not never stop !

Peace and love to all my readers. You're all appreciated. Stay positive. Stay prosperous. 
-Poppadoc